It Was Always Going To Be This Way

by Matt Sheeley

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1.
Long since I started, lain out in the world I breathe in days, she hums in between. Grown over by time, in peace she is there. Masked and alone; it’s all I have known. Her words are etched in my hands: “You ache for this pain.” Wash me down, sit me up - nothing’s clear before it is shown. Through my life and what I’ve learned, it’s poetic my dear. Long since she started I might have known - I never was sure of the hope I might own.
2.
Her flesh – yearn delves into him. He can trace down her spine with ease and appease, please… It appears a piece of the last verse can be found in the next
3.
Beauty lay slain, bags in tow, longing for her ear. My fingers dance, now they know which strings are fragile. Hope is a melody, slow, borne in the meantime. Wind weaving through me, I know I’m in my right mind. I know not where I am bound before they lay me in the ground. Humbly before me, my life; acres of hachure. Wish that it could just suffice to sit and wonder. For the miles I have come to adore, time won’t erase them. And the miles I have yet to explore, you can’t efface them. I know not where I am bound before they lay me in the ground.
4.
With a face like autumn and her laced-up boots, she’ll free any man’s heart from its cold, Northern noose. And her sun-kissed cheeks that you hear in her laugh… in her tears can be read a most poignant epitaph. She’s the one they all flock to but she’ll settle for none ‘til she sees in her eyes what her damage has done. And she’ll lie down to rest as alone she does best. The deep night unto her may its peace manifest.
5.
Wash 01:27
6.
Loner 04:33
I think I know why she can’t let me go I’ve fallen again and it’s starting to show. A reasonable reaction to what’s naturally taught; another child, Mother can’t bear the thought. A first love, the worst love, nearly part of my bones. She’s a jealous sort of soul and she can’t be alone. I’m a roamer, an Atoner, I’ve been known to be a loner but her voice is all that I need. I guess that is why, I hope that is why, a stalemate no longer brings tears to my eyes. My whole life I see what has happened to me is finally met with a reason. We’ll watch them pass by two by two as they try to recall from their past how they ever got by. I’ll know I have you and you’ll know it too, like it should have been from the beginning. A first love, the worst love, nearly part of my bones. She’s a jealous sort of soul and she can’t be alone. I’m a roamer, an Atoner, I’ve been known to be a loner but her voice is all that I need.
7.
Hollow Teeth 04:00
Hey, just thought you’d like to know how it all turns out, ‘cause we all need reminders at times. Hey, just thought you’d like to hear how the backwards web of time can make a tune so clear. Sometimes it feels like we’re all hollow teeth, forcing a grin through our homemade dreams to embrace them, replace them, the memories we made. Chase them, encase them, for too soon they will fade. Sometimes it feels like my troubles agree and sometimes it feels like they’re married to me. Hey, just thought you ought to see how the dark does give way to sight eventually. Hey, just thought you’d like to know how it all turns out ‘cause we all need reminders at times: You need love to feel right now. Sometimes it feels like we’re all hollow teeth, forcing a grin through our homemade dreams to embrace them, replace them, the memories we made. Chase them, encase them, for too soon they will fade. Sometimes it feels like my troubles agree and sometimes it feels like they’re married to me.
8.
Jessamine 04:24
There’s a lamppost raining on the cul-de-sac and it’s washing away what pretense owned. When Annette was young, they were often bold though they wouldn’t be told what they couldn’t have known. There’s a trophy out in the parking lot and a blue-wing taut out on the dock. He’s in the dark car waiting for the tears to pass; she can kiss his ass as the pines they mock. This too is flawed, like she was on the sod. When the birch tree rains like a carousel and the season’s swell but the hour’s not, there’s a tough guy sitting on his bedroom floor as his thoughts they pour and they’re all he’s got. And the orange light reaching through the window pane in the midnight rain is seldom seen. She can’t go back and she won’t go through, so there’s nothing to do for young Jessamine. This too is flawed, like she was on the sod.
9.
Faith/Truth 02:27
The sweet scent of pines is the only faith I need and the only truth I want to rely on.
10.
Beneath the fires broken I lay my head down No longer am alone now, my solace; her crown. Replete with warm emotions, I bathe in her shrine. Caressed by cleansing currents, my soul I consign. and the Singer sings along… Restless, yet still devoted, ascension; my prize. Gone forth to heed this calling, within me it cries. Belief is far from lonely outside of this mind. What more can she now show me, forever resigned? and the Singer sings along… Sweetness my greatest pleasure, it fills me to my core. All else cannot perturb me, she need not implore. On miles of time I stand now in misty commune. Once more with raw elation, the Lover does croon and the Singer sings along…
11.
Well I confess feelings of innocence had been deep within my core until at last I felt no more. I’ve been down, I’ve been down lower still if you know where you don’t want to be it helps point you where to go. Can you see what I so plainly see? How the trail I’ve traveled all alone has long been overgrown. Now I find my feet, fuck this, I can’t be beat As the wind catches the sail, I hold fast, I will prevail. You gotta give up your ghost. Let it all go, die for a moment, live long enough to be you, not another. Combat those visions, they’ve taken their toll. Come out and meet me on the other side. Give up your ghost. It seems to me what you need to be free is nothing more than inner bliss, without which you’ll be remiss. Give away that which you harden to; it’s in the clamor of our bones that, if you listen, will be foretold. I’ll live no more in quiet consequence of the slumber that my soul has fallen into beyond control. Turn within, brother, and she’ll call out and you’ll find that solemn main to be less certain than this pain.
12.
line, silent line; how it comforts him this day. This fluid, fluent future sits before him faisant prez. He is the poet to her most fair. The love borne between fills and colors the air.
13.
I: And I hear her call; sweet wherewithal, the distant squall. Light fails not much more. A timid roar – my holy war. Fills my lungs complete, else obsolete yet indiscrete. She: …
14.
St. Croix 04:23

about

You are who you are and are free to make whatever decisions you like. At the same time, because you are you, those decisions are ones you will always make. In this way, life is a combination of fate and free will; your destination is predetermined, but you may get there in several ways.

Half songbook, half spiritual nature communion, It Was Always Going To Be This Way expresses viewpoints from several characters at different points in their journey. A sense of serenity and calm ties these stories together as atmospheric guitars meld with rushing waters, leaving the listener revisiting what they know to be true.

Made for listening front to back.

credits

released April 21, 2016

Matt Sheeley - vocals, guitar, keys, bass, drums, percussion
Aaron Niklaus - drums
Lydia Scroggins - vocals, guitar
Hilton Dahl - bass

All songs written by Matt
Recorded/mixed/mastered by Matt in St. Paul attic studio 2016

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Matt Sheeley Saint Paul, Minnesota

Passionate folk pop paired with intimate poetry. Lush arrangements inspired by spiritual nature communion and containing fragments of childhood photographs. Poetry with depth that is meant to be explored and music that supports it. All of these are synonymous with Matt Sheeley. ... more

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